Transformers 2 “Miachael Bay, what did you do to us?”

RyanPrime

Nice haircuts, nice bodies and beautiful faces adorn the screen. We know women can be beautiful. We know that hot girls running really fast while
being shot with high speed film makes their boobies bounce. We all know that
based on the director commentary from the first transformers dvd that Bay
wasn’t a fan of the toys back in the 80’s. He learned about the toys based
on his desire to make a film where shit goes bang. It’s insulting to
those of us who grew up playing with Transformer toys to put super hot girls
in every shot. Can you guess why we were playing with toys? Because hot
girls like that wanted nothing to do with us! Why cant a pimple faced
bookworm with awkward social skills be a love interest to a awkward young
college freshman? That would be to realistic.

Speaking of college freshman. The party scenes were super unbelievable.
If you’ve ever been in a frat house (which i’m ashamed i have been) you know
that its not filled with super expensive dance floor lighting and high tech
DJ booths. Its typically a place that stinks of latex and bong water, cheap
black leather couches, black light posters and wood framed alums from the
60s. The stench of rape and bad attitudes haunt the halls of your typical
frat house along with cocky douche bags who are the CEO’s of the future.
Freshmen in their first week of college would be rushing and being verbally
abused by frat brothers, not potentially getting laid by a room full of 10’s
in a place like this.

The dorm room and roommate scenes were just a cluster fuck.Why was that
character in the film? He contributed nothing to the story or action. If
you’ve ever been in a college dorm room you are aware that there is barely
enough room to nuke a cup of easy mac. Why is there a web 3.0 viral video
upstart in a secret room inside their dorm? Why even show those characters
if they aren’t going to help out later in the film?

Why did the hot blond girl randomly turn into a trans-nano-bot-former?
How come she didn’t kill Sam when she got in his car the first time? Or when
she saw him in the hallway, or in the frat party? Why did she only turn into
a bot when Megan fox came to visit Sam? There is so much wrong with this
film that I don’t know where to go next. The interaction between male and
female characters was so forced. It’s like Michael Bay is a virgin. Not a single intelligible word came from a female character.

The movie did not need to be 2 hours and 20 minutes long. Why? simple
question. Why? It’s not like the story was so utterly detailed and
mysterious that it needed to unfold in layers. Boy has shard, robots need
shard to survive, battle happens, hot girls bounce up and down, explosions
happen, end. Its not Lord of the Rings.
I absolutely HATE recycled footage. I’m pretty certain you only need one
establishing shot of earth with an alien over taken us satellite orbiting in the foreground.

90% of the movie is either an extreme close up or a fast moving, metallic,
specular highlight, reflection, motion blur shot. Do you need to even bother
with constantly plastering the location and time across the bottom of the
screen? A lot is happening to close to the camera. I’m assuming the main
reason for constantly showing time and location is because w/o it the
audience has but a smattering of where in the universe the camera has taken us.
The drama was cut like a music video. instead of your typical over the
shoulder jump cuts, Bay uses unnecessarily elaborate steady cam (bad boys 2) style shots for simple dialog exchange. Can we say motion sickness. Instead of learning from a hundred years of film making, Bay takes everything we know about good blocking and interesting character development and wipes his ass with it.
To many Neo / The Matrix references. and i don’t mean just naming the shard thing “the matrix.” How about Shia being “the chosen one.” Or Shia dying and their”love” bringing Megan Fox and Neo I mean Shia back together. Did nobody else see the parallels between the breeding pods from matrix and the breeding pods of “the fallen” characters? Robots breeding generations of life in liquid filled pods. Wow, original!
If Shia Labouf is such a great actor, how come we don’t see it in this
movie? Other than being young and attractive, I’m not sure what his acting
style is going for. Twitchy and boisterous? He is the master of saying “no” in films, check it on you tube,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IXCK1EyP4s
Truly a lost craft among other young actors.

To sum everything up. This movie should have been shorter and more
effective. Michael Bay blew a great opportunity to make a killer film.
Instead we get 140 some odd minutes of out of focus bullshit. I’m not going
to forget that i stayed up on a Tuesday until midnight to see this pile.
Drag me to HELL is still in my opinion the best movie of the summer…. so
far!
D. Ryan